November 10, 1980 Kalamata, Greece
Trauma Activation Warning: sexual violence
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The gang rape I and my friend experienced in Kalamata, was not a repressed memory... it happened during a blackout. I can see the start of it, in the water... and then, after... later being in a room where we were staying... feeling lots of confusion and anger from our fellow travelers. But they were not angry at our rapists, they were angry at us.
This is a big deal for me today... to discover the date and the location that I had recorded in my little calendar notebook in 1980. The date was Monday, November 10. Today is Monday November 8, 2021. I had a deep pain in my womb earlier today. The body and visual memory was released into consciousness, and I was led to the little calendar that I had not read in years and years. The blackout had been repressed, so to speak. How does one explain this? You were not there, I was. I was raped, there are so many in my youth... how do I share this with people who understand? I am not really asking the question.
To wake up in the morning remembering that rape... then finding that it was precisely 41 years ago to the date. Will anyone ever know me, in this life? I have great doubts. I am known above.
Seeing no point
At All
on the edge of the Sky
there are no words
‘Cleanse to Heal’ reading club
I am starting the reading or rereading 'Cleanse to Heal' club, today. This is for anyone interested in having virtual company and the challenge to accomplish this life-changing endeavor.
Read:
Part I - Jan. 1 - Jan. 15
Part II & III - Jan. 16 - Jan. 30
Part IV - Jan. 31 - Feb. 13
Part V - Feb. 14 - Feb. 28
Happy reading (or listening or both)!!
Tell me: when did you make your first choice?
I always feel this "choice" idea as gaslighting every single, bloody, damn time that someone suggests it!! We are born into abusive families, poverty, slavery, violence, and so on. Tell me: at what point is there ever a choice? I feel it to be so much more liberating to know that we all have been victims of circumstances. There is no one that is "better" at living life than another. Until we have compassion for each other, the gaslighting and constant putting down of the other through this 'choice' and 'responsibility' concept keeps us in continual pain and suffering. (We have people brainwashed at such a level that they believe that they have actually achieved something because they now tell others what to do to heal trauma... heal something that they will never know anything about because we all have unique life experiences when it comes to trauma.
There is not some magical day when I get to make a choice about the direction my life takes. The choices we make are about what to wear that day or which flavor ice cream to eat. (Ice cream is making us sick by feeding viruses, we have never had a choice to eat healthy, until now.) It is all so very complicated to explain because it is all predicated on false information and conditioning. All of humankind is dis-functioning on faulty belief systems. No wonder I can feel endless despair. What knocks me out if it, from time to time, is knowing that other people literally cannot see what is not on their maps. I'm a pioneer in the terrain of following my own heart's compass. I am mapping out my own frontier.
This is all due to awareness. As a baby, you are not given the choice to leave the abusive family. Maybe someone makes that for you, but is that a choice or an imperative? And what happens in the next situation? So the question is: what day did your choice to choose the direction of your life begin?
And if you wake up to the abuse, later in life... it takes years to reprogram yourself or to adapt to everything that has happened to you, and happened to everyone else. It is all happening in concert... a symphony of pain and suffering. This is what living on this planet is all about.
All the rest is theories.
The Medical Medium is the only person alive on the planet that has the answers to why everyone is sick or getting sick. When a chronically ill person hears the truth, they know it. For the first time in my life, I became in control of healing myself of countless conditions and emotional hardships, thanks to Anthony William. You know, he didn't have a choice either.
No one chooses to be sick, abused, sexually violated. No one. So why do people keep insisting that we do!!!?
Art Project
Some secret and other open activities are under way. Part 1: How to stay out of overwhelm. Beginning the separation of the belongings and art into chronological and/or thematic plastic bins.
